Entry 35

[recording on]

*You hear slightly heavy breathing a yawn and then a long stretch followed by a deep sigh.*

Ahhh, that felt good. I bet my bed will feel better...soon.

I hired a bounty hunter to find my birth father. I'm not any good at finding people and that's what he does so I figured he'd have better luck than I would. Besides, I need to find him quick ... before my bank account runs dry.

*The woman gets quiet for several minutes but you hear her moving around the room, putting things away and mumbling lightly to herself.*

I've been spending too much time cooped up in my house. It's like I've become too dependent on Falcun and don't want to be outside when he's not around. I had seizures before I met him and I'll have them long after he's gone. So what the hell am I so nervous about?

*She stops moving around and sits back down in front of the recorder.*

I wonder how Sky is? I sure do miss having him around.

[recording off]

Entry 34

[recording on]

*When she speaks, her voice is soft and tired but with a definite happy lilt to it.*

I've been too busy lately. I don't know where to begin.

Let's see, Falcun and I have made our relationship 'official'. I'm no longer just his boss. Frankly, I really enjoy having him around. He keeps me sane. Strangely, I also have no desire to chase men any more.

He said he loved me the other day. My heart stopped. I mean, I'm glad he did. It doesn't scare me or anything but..I mean I care about him deeply, I just don't know if I can say those words to him. Not yet anyway.

This is all so new to be. I'm still trying to make sure I don't get tired of him sexually. I mean, what if I get bored with him and start looking at other men again?

I wonder if normal people have these same worries...

*She sighs and takes a drink of something.*

I met his brother. I'm not a fan. It made my skin crawl, the way he kept going on badmouthing Falcun. If I was a violent person I would have thrown something at him.

Then I had to go and have seizure. No big deal right? Except he demanded to take me to a doctor. You'd think I'd know my condition better than he did. He kept trying to insist...even threatened to kill himself, so I told him not to get blood on the buildings and walked away.

So he shot himself. How bright is that? Oh, I didn't by it at first. I nudged his leg then kicked him in his crotch to see if he moved....he didn't, so when I bent down to check and see if he was alive the bastard sits up and hit me! Knocked me out cold, drove me across the planet and dumped me in a hospital bed. I was furious when I woke up.

Then, of course, in his rush to get to me, Falcun had to crash land almost on top of me after I told him what happened. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe those brothers might be a few cards short of a full deck.

*She laughs lightly and you hear her open a pill bottle and take a pill.*

Dr. Ecan is fixing my dosage. Hopefully the next mixture will work... Oh, and I need to call Mr. Nu'ro and tell him he's hired for the party. I really enjoyed their audition.

Aside from that, I've been feeling really domestic lately....it's kinda scary.

[recording off]

Entry 33

[recording on]

*You hear light weeping for several minutes before she blows her nose and starts to speak.*

I met with Tyann and it seems that everything may be true. Ms. Hyde has been dead for about twenty years now. My...mother? It feels so strange to call her that. I never knew her.

*Her voice shakes a little.*

According to Mr. Setas, one of my birth parents has to sign a paper to make my adoption legal in order for my inheritance to be released to me again. The only problem is that my birth mother is dead and no one seems to have much information about my birth father.

Tyann said she didn't remember Kamma talk about my birth father much. She did remember that they met in the cantina and were together a couple of months. She fell pretty hard for him but then something happened and she left him and never told him about me.

*She stands up slowly and paces.*

Tyann didn't remember his name, only that he wasn't particularly good looking and insanely large...in fact she used the term "looked more like a poorly shaven wookiee than a human".

*The woman lets out a short dry laugh.*

So after Kamma gave birth to me, she went off to find my father...tried to be a happy family or something, but he wasn't around anymore. Hooked himself up in the military and she never heard from him again. She realized that she couldn't take care of me on her own and that's when she got rid of me.

...

I'm so numb right now that I don't know what to think. I have to go back to Corellia and tell Mr. Setas something, and I need to find my birth father. I also need to hear Falcun's voice....

*She sighs and whispers.*

This may be my most difficult job yet.

[recording off]

Entry 32

[recording on]

*Her voice is strained and tense. Her words come out in a certain rhythm, making it obvious that she is reminding herself to breathe.*

I can't believe I came all this way...paid all that money...stressed myself out my by fending off the crew's unwanted attentions...only to find out that this woman was dead.

*She sighs and you can tell that she's struggling to keep herself together.*

I found a relative of hers. An aunt or something...Tyann is her name. I've called her and she's agreed to meet me later to discuss things.

*She stops talking for several minutes and you can faintly make out what sounds like betting going on in the distance.*

I haven't felt this alone in years. I don't even really know what to think...surely they would have told me if I was adopted. Wouldn't they? No, this is all just a dreadful mistake. Someone just looking for some money and they targeted my family.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this, to help me make sense of it all. I tried to call Falcun but he must have been busy because he never answered. I even tried to call Amillo but I wasn't able to get through to him either.

*She sighs and starts pacing.*

Not only is my parentage in question but here I am having these...feelings. Wanting to reach out to someone. Feeling lost without that intimate connection of friendship. I never used to care before. Why the hell am I worrying now?

Ugh...I'm even feeling vulnerable when I go out in the city. I won't tell Falcun that though. I don't want him to worry. Besides, I told him I can do this on my own and I will. I'm not about to let one moment of weakness redefine how I act.

*She pauses for a moment and you hear her open a bottle and take a pill.*

I just need to find a driver that doesn't want more from me than credits.

I'm really starting to miss having Falcun around.

[recording off]

Entry 31

[recording on]

*It is eerily quiet for a long moment. When the woman finally speaks her voice is weak and shaky and barely more than a whisper.*

My inheritance is frozen? I don't understand.

Everything was set up to go to me when they died...at least, that's what Mr. Setas said. The will states that everything goes to their daughter. I'm their daughter. Me. So what's wrong?

*There's silence broken only by the sound of shuffling papers*

Then there's this ... paper. It says the most horrendous thing.

...

I'm not their daughter.

*Her breath catches in her throat.*

I have to go to Umgul and find this woman, Kamma Hyde. Make her tell Mr. Setas that this is all a lie. I'm not her daughter.

*There's a pause and then you hear her take a deep breath. Her voice is firmer when she speaks again.*

I'll book transit to go this evening.

*Her voice is a slight whisper again.*

I should tell Falcun I'll be longer than I thought.

[recording off]

Entry 30

[recording on]

*You hear some water running and a little splashing like she might be washing her face or something. The water stops and you hear dainty steps of bare feet walk across a stone floor until you hear the bed creak as she sits on it.*

I was grumpy all day yesterday. We had drills and I just couldn't get in the mood for them. Then again, I'm not exactly sure why I'm participating in things like that anyway...it's not like I'm an actual member of the company or anything. I'm just a contractor. Meh, I did it anyway. I needed a break from moving.

*Her voice gets a little lighter and you can almost hear the smile.*

I did manage to find an empty house for rent, roughly 600 meters west of town. It even has a window! I've been having some of my larger pieces of furniture moved over here and once it got livable that's what I did...I moved myself out of the hotel and into my own place again. I have to say, it's a lot nicer than the last one I was in.

*You hear her crawling under the covers and yawning slightly*

After the drills I called on Mr. Nix to take me out of town. I wasn't too particular where I went and he took me to a nice little oasis he showed me the other day. We sat and talked and I was really able to relax for the first time all day. But then he pulled me into the water, clothes and all!

*She laughs brightly at the memory.*

Thankfully he had some supplies and was able to put up a makeshift shelter to keep us warm while our clothes dried. Afterwords there was an adventure in Eisley where he managed to get completely sloshed off of one drink and I managed to have a seizure. When I came too he had laid me on the bed and laid down behind me with his arm around me. What was the most embarrassing was that I was holding onto his arm for dear life.

After I gathered my strength enough to walk I had him take me home. He's an odd man. He offered to stay the night with me in case I had another one.

*She pauses momentarily then takes a deep breath.*

I asked him to stay...because...well I really didn't want to be alone. I felt kind of weak after yesterday's events .. both physically and emotionally, and I just really needed someone there for me. I felt my guard slip a little with him and even though it scared me, I didn't want him to leave. And before you get any silly ideas in your head...it wasn't just because of the sex. Granted, the sex was pretty good..

It was other..little things. He seemed to read my mind and know what I needed before I said anything. It was kinda nice to have a moment or two when I didn't have to take care of myself. Although, I'm not sure he can keep up with my sex drive. He complained a little the third time.

*There's a soft chuckle and you hear her roll over onto her side.*

I'm going home tomorrow. I need to pack my dresses and make sure I have all the paperwork I'll need for the trip, I don't want to be on Corellia any longer than I have to.

....

I wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable there again?

[recording off]

Entry 29

[recording on]

I hate paperwork. I hate interviews. I hate having to be professional.

*She pauses long enough to take a drink, setting the glass on the table with a light thud*

I interviewed another prospective employee. I honestly forget his name. A horrendous looking Sullustan. He seemed eager to please though so I couldn't over look that. Plus, Mr. Nix informed me when I hired him that he already had a full-time job and may not always be available for me at times. Unfortunately, the new man had lost his ship. I told him to call me when he got it back. He did,however, introduce me to another man...whom I'm told can cook. I'm having him over tomorrow to see if he's any good and if so, I'll hire him to cater the party.

*She takes another drink and you hear the chair creak as she leans back in it*

I got a package of paperwork that Mr. Setas sent by messenger. Apparently there are some problems with my parent's estate and I need to go home to tend to them. It will take me a day or so to make arrangements to leave. In the meantime we are having drills again tomorrow. I hope they don't expect me to shoot anything.

*The woman sighs, hiccups, and takes another drink. When she speaks again, you can tell the alcohol has started to take effect.*

I didn't get to see Amillo today. I only hope that we're able to spend some time together before I leave. It's bad enough I don't know how long I'll be...I don't even want to think about the fact that I'll be all alone while I'm gone.

*She lets out a slightly painful groan and takes another drink. When the glass hits the table this time you can tell she almost knocked it over.*

I really need to find someone else to spend time with...I don't want to get attached.

*She hiccups loudly and then laughs*

[recording off]

Entry 28

[recording on]

*The woman yawns and stretches, her voice seems ... distant*

Mr. Nix is working out quite well. He got me an interview with another dance group. Not sure if they'll work though but we'll see. I had an interview with another friend of his...a Mr. Nu'ro. He seemed promising, although I'm not too thrilled about the name of the group. Guess I can't really be that picky right now can I? I still need to find a caterer, or at least some waitstaff to serve food I buy.

*She's quiet for a long moment, her breathing is steady. You think she might have fallen asleep.*

Went and got the new pills from the doctor also. Should know something by the end of the week if they work. I certainly hope so.

*There's a slight pause*

I definitely couldn't help myself with him again. Couldn't have too much fun though, he got called away. Oh well...I suppose that's a good thing. Amillo and I had quite a busy day.

*She laughs lightly and rolls onto her side.*

Stopped to get a drink before I came back to the room...met a nice man who'd just got back into town. A Mr. Aldana I believe his name was. Going to have to look him up later.

*You hear her hand touch the recorder but she pauses before she turns it off*

Amillo was supposed to call me tonight....I hope he's ok.

[recording off]

Entry 27

((semi-adult material))

[recording on]

*Another accidental recording from the same day. You hear kissing and clothes being thrown. The voices are the same as the ones before.*

Woman: "I said, say goodbye Mr. Halcyon."
Man: "Goodbye, Mr. Halcyon."

*The woman giggles and you hear the bed creak*

Woman: "You're going to spoil me..."
Man: "You know you like it..."
Woman: "Mmmhm...I believe I do."

*The couple move around on the bed and then you hear what sounds like the recorder hitting the floor.*

[recording off]

Entry 26

((semi-adult material))

[recording on]

*There is the sound of distant animals, a slight wind, and muffled talking...soft but still audible. They obviously aren't aware the recorder is on.*

Woman: "So what now?"
Man: "I don't know."
Woman: "It's getting a little later...maybe we should keep working on that whole 'staying warm' thing? You know...practice makes perfect."
Man: "I like the way you think."
Woman: "Lucky for me you also like my body."

*You hear them start kissing almost feverishly for several minutes before they finally pause*

Woman: "Maybe we should change positions."
Man: "Alright, just uh...Lay back against the side there."

*There's the sound of them moving around what is very obviously a small space. The woman giggles. You hear them kiss a little as they get situated. Once they stop moving around you hear their breathing getting heavier. The man moans and the woman growls. Their sounds start to take on a more animal hunger as they continue on with their ... recreational activity.*

*When they're done you hear them reluctantly pull away from each other, trying to catch their breath.*

Woman: "Maybe we should take a break?"
Man: "Maybe a short one."
Woman: "You mind unlocking these cuffs so I can put my clothes on?"

*You hear someone digging around for something, there's a loud noise like something kicked the recorder and then nothing.*

[recording off]

Entry 25

[recording on]

*The recorder is turned on but no one is addressing it yet. You here a light scratching movement like someone is writing something and there is some mumbling. After a moment you hear the woman let out a deep breath and put something heavy in a drawer.*

I almost gave myself another seizure today from all the stress.

*She taps something metal on the table briefly before speaking again*

I had the Lt drive me out to Carova for my appointment with Dr. Ecan. I figured I should let the doc fill him in on what was going on. I dunno why. I think I'm getting soft in my old age or something. Anyway, the doc wants me to head back over tomorrow to pick up some new meds to try so we'll see how that goes. The Lt and I were walking over for a drink afterwords and he asked me why I told him. I didn't really have an answer for him and he seemed so damned ... put out that I told him. Like excuse me for thinking you might have given a damn for the briefest moments!

I went into the cantina for a drink and after awhile he followed me. Said something about not being used to hearing people's problems and how he liked it better that way so I told him he didn't have to worry about me anymore and I could find my own way home. Then I went for a walk.

*She makes a light groaning sound as she stretches out...you hear a few bones popping and then a sigh.*

I can't believe he actually left me there. I guess it wasn't so bad though. Turns out I managed to find a ride home and ended up hiring him to drive me around when I need it. I always like having a backup plan and Falcun Nix is definitely a good looking back up plan...

I managed to apologize to Gete today too. We talked about the dinner party and made a few decisions for it. Gods I really hate that woman. I wonder if she's screwing the Major?

*The woman snorts a little and dismisses her last comment.*

I had Mr. Nix drive me to Eisley to see if we could find a caterer but we weren't successful at all. I felt a seizure coming on from all the lights so he took me home where I paid him for his work and we discussed a few details.

*You hear her get up and open the cooler. She pulls something out and takes a long drink from it before walking back to the table*

The topping on the cake was that Amillo showed up at my door. I invited him in and sent Mr. Nix on his way. I was a little thrown by his sudden appearance to be honest....and very confused. I think we had a pretty good discussion. Decided to go back to being the way we were when we first met. Then we had make up sex. Which I have to say...if you've never done it, go start a fight just to have make up sex. It was pretty amazing.

*She laughs lightly*

I think this is better for me too. I don't have to worry about whether or not he's going to get upset if I sleep with someone else and he doesn't have to worry about whether or not he has the ability to share his heart with me. As long as I don't loose my friend....she can have his heart, I'll take the rest of him.

*There's a small pause and she hesitates as if to say something but then thinks better of it.*

[recording off]

Entry 24

((semi-adult material))

[recording on]

*She screams in absolute frustration*

ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*She throws a bottle against the wall and it smashes into small pieces. You can hear the liquid splash everywhere*

Damnit I need to have sex again!!!!

*Her breathing is erratic and heavy*

Why did I have to walk away?! I could be with him right now taking care of this problem instead of trying to fix it myself!!! But nooooo, someone had to go and get all emotional and attached and actually give a shit about whether or not he's emotionally available.

FUCK! ME!!!!

*She growls deeply and grinds her teeth together. After a moment she manages to pull herself together enough to loosen her jaws*

I really need to look into buying a droid....

[recording off]

Entry 23

[recording on]

*there's the soft sound of crying and the woman sniffles a little, trying to compose herself before talking*

Well you've really done it now girly. Got yourself into your first real relationship, let someone in finally and then lost it...all within the span of hours. No one's quite got your skill.

*she blows her nose and sits quietly for a moment*

It surely was nice while it lasted huh? I had to push though. All because I felt guilty for sleeping with that doctor when I hadn't heard anything from Amillo in a couple of days. But he agreed to it. That's gotta mean something right? He's gotta see me as something a little bit more...even if only for a moment.

*you hear her push up from her chair and start pacing her room slowly*

Then later, he introduced me to a .. friend. His boss. I'm not blind or stupid. I saw what was going on between them. I would have been ok I think except he tried to pass me off to some stranger to 'babysit' me while he ran off to talk to her. It pissed me off and I went and got a drink.

*Her steps get faster. Her voice gets a bit of an edge*

And then he had the absolute nerve to call me and tell me not to drink! Like he was my father or something! Feh!

So I got drunk...of course. When he came in and smiled at me, I didn't know what to think. We talked for a minute and I was pretty drunk so he took me to medical and let me sober up a bit.

*she stops for a minute and lets out a pained whimper*

The sex was wonderful as usual. At least I know no matter what, we'll always have our chemistry. But then I had to go and screw things up. I had to ask about her. I'll give him one thing, he's always been honest with me.

So the gist of it is, he loves her...he thinks wants me...he definitely wants my body...he has absolutely no idea what to do.

*She pulls a bottle from the cooler and you can hear her swirling the liquid around slowly without opening it*

So what did I do? I left. Why? Because I got scared. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and fight for him and make him forget all about her. But I was weak and walked away.

*She sits down and sets the bottle on the table, rocking it back and forth thoughtfully*

I didn't go home and drink myself into a black out. I called Dr. Maeyls instead. Told her what happened and she told me I should talk to him and tell him how I feel. She also told me it was ok to want to try again.

So I sent him a message. Laid it all out for him.

I feel like an idiot.

[recording off]

Entry 22

[recorder on]

*the woman's voice is very tired and she speaks low. Not to be quiet, just because she doesn't have the energy to raise her voice to a normal level*

What an adventure I had today I tell ya. Heh...I took Amillo's advice and got an appointment with a shrink I found advertised. I wasn't really expecting much and it was ok. We talked about my childhood and my relationship with my parents and Amillo a little bit. She seems to think that me wanting to spend time with him and talk is a good thing. I wonder what he'd say if I told him he was prescribed by the doctor?

*she laughs lightly and you hear her roll over on the bed*

He probably wouldn't say anything. He hasn't called since I had that seizure. Seems like he's just like all the rest after all.

*she sighs, seeming to accept this fact*

The doc said she could help with my seizures and she said she did some kinda hypnosis on me but I don't remember being out of it or anything. I guess I wouldn't tho huh? Trouble is, after she did that and we sat back down...I had a pretty bad one. This one knocked me out for about 30 minutes. She had to call in a local doctor to try and bring me to. She also called this doc I'd heard about. Daofi Ecan is his name. Good thing I had his comm information in my pocket.

*the woman purrs a little and the bed creaks*

Now he was a lot of fun. Took me up in his ship to run some scans with his equipment. I also managed to get in some of my own fun. I really love those restraints on the medical tables. I think I'm gonna have to get one of those things for my room. I swear I think if we'd have had any more sex I probably wouldn't be able to walk right now!

*she hums a bit and then sighs wistfully*

Hopefully he'll call me back soon with the results of the scans. He seems to think he could help me a little. Hells, at the very least he's great for scratching that itch. Especially since Amillo bailed on me. It's too bad, I really liked him too.

*she gets quiet and you hear her steady breathing for a couple of minutes.*

Even after everything that happened. I think I'm gonna go see Dr. Maelys again. Probably about time I work on some of these issues.

*she whispers a quiet prayer before reaching over and turning off the recorder*

[recording off]

Entry 21

[recording on]

*another accidental recording when whatever was holding the recorder knocked into something, turning it on. You hear the sound of clothes being tossed, the owner of the journal and an unknown man talking. There is also the sound of an engine in the background.*

Man: "Please, get as comfortable as you like. I'm just a bit curious as to how you know me."
Woman: "What was your name again?"

*something lands on top of the recorder and momentarily obscures sound so you only get the last syllable.*

Man: " - can."
Woman: "That name sounds awfully familiar...."
Man: "Does it now?"
Woman: "Do I owe you money?"
Man: "No, I'd remember that bit"

*There's the sound of a zipper and then more clothing being thrown.*

Woman: "Did we have sex and I not call you the next day?"
Man: "Can't say we did."
Woman: "We should fix that."
Man: "Well now, I was kind of wondering why...*he pauses slightly*...Sure, why the kriff not."

*There are obvious sounds of two people mating...the hunger of the woman might make you mistake her for some kind of animal until the recorder is bumped again and shut off*

[recording off]

Entry 20

[recording on]

*there is nothing but dead air for a moment which would lead the listener to believe something accidentally turned on the recorder. Shortly tho, there is a female voice...not the owner of the journal.*

"Uh..."

*You then hear the strange voice frantically over her comm trying to contact any doctor she can get a hold of. She says something about a medical emergency in her office. Finally she gets a hold of someone who is available. She sighs a little in relief and you here her struggle a little to lift something.

The feedback noises on the recorder lead you to believe that the owner of the recorder is being picked up. You hear light foot steps and then a sound like the woman is setting down whoever she is carrying. Then nothing.*

[recording off]

Entry 19

[recording on]

*there's some muffled sounds, something falls onto the floor and it sounds like it cracked. The woman sighs and you hear her cleaning up the mess while she starts talking*

I got a fair bit done today. I managed to find a caterer, an entertainer and bought a dress for the dinner party. I also got the name of a furniture maker. I'm gonna need to buy some things for the house ... as soon as I figure out where I'm gonna move. I should talk to the Major about getting another house in town.

*she's done cleaning the mess and deposits it in the trash. You hear her opening packages and shaking out clothing*

Ms. Jao was very nice. I managed to get an acceptable dress for the party and another outfit that frankly shows a bit more skin than I'm comfortable with .. oh, and I managed not to get accosted on the public shuttle on the way to Nashal. Amillo was sweet enough to come and pick me and my packages up and take me home.

*she pauses and you can hear her slowly folding the packing paper*

Which makes me wonder. We spent the entire ride back just talking...well, mostly talking. I learned a lot about him. I learned enough to like him more than I did...and damnit if I already didn't like him a lot. I just hope I didn't scare him away when I had that seizure.

*there's a soft, tired sigh*

Seizures or voices girl...which one do you want? I brought those up too, seeing as he slipped and told me something he probably shouldn't have. He asked if I'd ever seen a psychiatrist for it...which I suppose is the normal thing to ask but, I don't like to have doctors poking at me. I've had enough of that already.

I should probably look and see if I can find a herbal remedy for the seizures that isn't affected by the alcohol. That way I can keep both things quiet.

*she gets up off the bed and you can hear her walking across the floor to put things away in the dresser*

I don't really know what to do about the Lt now. I mean, I practically told him I wanted a relationship with him and I certainly told him I wanted to see him naked. But I'm not sure now if I really meant it. Maybe I was just reaching out to someone who showed a little bit of concern for my well-being. I mean, he is old enough to be my father...and while I wouldn't normally have a problem with that, there's something that's keeping me from pursuing it.

*the dresser closes and she walks over to the desk and slides the chair in when she sits*

I don't know. Maybe I should take a breath and see what fate has to say about it all?

*she snorts a little*

What was it Amillo said about the day we met...? That's right, "It was a very lucky day".

Now what am I going to do about this dinner party...

[recording off]

Entry 18

[recording on]

*the woman's voice is a soft whisper*

It's been a very long and strange couple of days. I was still upset about that whole thing with the hunter and frankly I was taking it out on the local wildlife. Then kinda out of the blue my comm beeped and the strangest thing happened.

He called me. Apologized for taking so long to get back with me. Seems he lost my number or something. Anyway he asked if I wanted to get a drink. It was...interesting. Frankly I'm still not exactly sure what he wants from me. He offered friendship but I don't know. Me, I'm only good at two things, sex and drinking. This whole friend thing is completely new territory. Doesn't seem fair to him.

*she pauses for a moment and you can hear a man snoring lightly in the background*

Let's just say I took him up on his offer. This could be a good thing right? Having someone I can let my guard down with. Someone I can count on. We talked a lot more tonight than we did last time. I like his straight-forward honesty. It still worries me.

*she sighs a little*

I'm really going to have to be careful. If I get too comfortable with him it'll all just end up the way it always does...but it really feels good to stay long enough with one man to actually sleep with them.

I'm cold...

[recording off]

Entry 17

[recording on]

*the woman is breathing heavy and erratically. She tries to talk while calming her breathing*

I..just want..it to stop..can't sleep..

*she whimpers a little and lets out a soft plaintive moan*

...please. Just stop. I can't do this any..more.

*she reaches for a bottle and you can hear the liquid shaking as she struggles to open it. When she finally gets it open she takes a drink from it but she's shaking so bad it spills all over her and you hear her cussing*

Why won't these voices stop? I can't deal with their crying anymore. I'm not a hero...I can't save you!

*she slams the bottle on the desk and starts to cry*

just...please...shut up....

[recording off]

Entry 16

[recording on]

My intuition was right...funny thing about that. I had to get out of town for a bit, the voices in my head where just too loud and I needed noise. Lots and lots of noise. Heard there was gonna be some cage fighting going on in Carova today so I headed out that way. It really was perfect. Lots of people, lots of noise, lots of alcohol.

Even when I'm not on the prowl, I still find myself looking. Bad habits I suppose. Imagine my surprise when I saw Schwartze there. I managed to control myself. Don't seem so surprised. I wasn't there looking for him or any other man for that matter. I just wanted some peace...just a few moments.

*the woman sighs a little and then clears her throat*

I had a nice conversation with a black Bothan. It was nice because that's all it was. Simple conversation. No witty banter, no preening, no posing, no sizing each other up and trying to get the other in bed. Been awhile since I had a conversation like that with a man. But they started the cage fights and he walked off to watch.

*there's the sound of something lightly running over a wooden surface and then what seems to be the tapping of fingers*

The Lt wandered in. Talk about surprised. I didn't think the Major ever let him out. He sat down with me and we talked for a bit. My standard conversation is to flirt and stroke egos...and frankly, well..it didn't work with him. And then while I'm talking to the Lt, Schwartze is talking to another fella and I find out he's married. That really twists my knickers. I may be easy but I'm not a home-wrecker.

*the woman snorts indigently*

He actually had the nerve to tell me I should have done some research first! Why is it men are never to blame for cheating? Granted, we didn't do anything but the opportunity was there and he knew it...and not once did he tell me about his wife. There's a special place in hell for men like that.

*there's a slightly painful moan*

Ahhh, damn. I bet Gete knew and that's why she was playing interference. Ugh. I guess that means I have to apologize to the witch now. I'll get to it later...

Also, I had a conversation with the Lt. I'm tired now though...we'll talk later.

[recording off]

Entry 15

[recording on]

The ride back to Tattooine was uneventful and mildly boring. I had to pay someone double the usual rate to get me back to Black Sands this time. I guess the roads are still hostile...even tho they seemed less populated.

I unpacked and hit the cantina to see if I could find some company.

*there's a bit of a pause and all you hear is steady breathing then suddenly there's a slight growl and when the woman talks again it's almost as if she's talking through her teeth*

Damn that woman. I swear to the nine hells if I were a more evil person I'd have a bounty on her quicker then I ever notice a man in a room! I swear she's up to something but I'll be damned if she's gonna keep me from taking care of my business.

*there's a scratching noise heard...almost as if fingernails were digging into wood*

Everything was fine. I met the Bothan Doctor, and got reintroduced to one of the men that was on that fool mission on Kashyyyk. Schwartze was his name. Didn't look half bad in that armor. I was busy thinking of the many ways I could get him out of it and just when I thought I had sealed the deal, she had to shove her poorly shaped, aristocratic nose where it didn't belong!

*a fist is slammed on the table nearby*

I invite him to dinner and what does she do? The tramp invites herself, and Hadox, and the Doctor, and every other sentient on the planet!! A dinner party...this is what I got myself into. All because of a man. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother...

*the woman sighs and pauses for a bit. A brief chuckle is heard finally*

Because they're so pretty. That's why you bother. You like the way they smell and the way their muscles move and the way the look at you with desire. Mmmhm...that's why.

Feh...that ... woman ... I wasn't any good at politics. That's why I left Corellia. Mother was always entwined in something or another with her group of 'lady friends'. You could tell when they hated you. The way they looked down their crooked noses. The way the disdain practically dripped from their lips when they could be bothered to talk to you. I hated it....and Gete was doing it to me all over again.

*her chair is pushed sharply back and there is the sound of boots on the hard floor as she paces back and forth, each word making her more and more angry*

I saw the way she looked at me...like I was nothing. How she dismissed me as inconsequential when she invited herself to our dinner. I felt her glare when I was talking to him. And when he came back from answering his comm...I asked him to walk me to the hotel but he said he needed to talk to her. Yeah, I got the hint. It may have been a little late but I left them to it. I'm not gonna fight for a man that doesn't want me. Hell, I'm not gonna fight for anyone. They never fought for me did they?

*the pacing slows down and her breathing matches it*

Didn't think he'd follow me though...that kinda shook me a little. I apologized and he walked me to the door. I managed to ask him to a more private dinner. Hopefully I didn't look like too much of a fool. Oddly enough, he accepted.

*she sits back down in the chair and pulls it closer*

I'm not exactly sure what to make of this one. I have a feeling I should be on closer guard than usual though.

[recording off]

Entry 14

[recording on]

You're a damned fool girl. You know that?!

*there's the sound of something heavy being thrown against the wall*

So what if he's the only one who ever called you back. You didn't have to go running over there like a puppy starved for attention. Telling him it was no big deal and you were near-by. Knowing damned well it was gonna take you a good while to get yourself together and get down there. Feh!

*something else is thrown...this time it's the sound of an open book flying through the air*

And to think you actually bought his whole "I'm interested in what you have to say" line. He's the worst kind. The kind that pretends to give a damned about your feelings when you both know they're only after one thing.

Then he got up and left. Just like you knew he would. Left you all alone in that cantina like a damned fool. Barely even acknowledged you when you left...damned sure didn't come after you did he?

*the woman sits heavily down into a chair and sighs sadly*

You ain't got no friends girl...don't even bother pretending.

[recording off]