Entry 40

[recording on]

*When she speaks her words are short and the tone of her voice is kind of listless...almost like it takes an effort to summon the energy to talk.*

I'm just gonna stare at my walls for awhile. I like the color of 'em. Got 'nuff food to last a good bit too.

*There is no noise but slow breathing for about 5 minutes. She sighs as if she doesn't want to talk but is making herself.*

Just me 'n my stuff. Dunno where I hid my comm.

Don't care either.

[recording off]

Entry 39

[recording on]

I don't know why I answered my comm tonight. It didn't do anything but upset me and reaffirm that I'm better off alone.

I can't deal with his insecurities. Not right now. Hell, I can barely deal with my own. And he just won't stop blaming himself for my getting hurt. He doesn't understand why I'm upset with him.

*She sighs and is quiet for awhile. Not exactly sure what to say or do anymore. You hear her hesitate a few times before finally starting again.*

When you make a commitment to love someone, you don't leave them. No matter what. He left me. I can't forgive that.

[recording off]

Entry 38

[recording on]

*You hear someone moving around, as if they were trying to get comfortable. When the person starts to speak you recognize the voice. She speaks softly at first, almost as if she hasn't formed a sentence in awhile.*

I think it's been about...a week...maybe? I don't really remember what happened except I hit that man with a chair. I really don't know why I did that either...

I mean, yeah...he was trying to hurt Hadox, but really...since when did I care about other people like that? I've always looked out for number one. You start caring about other people and there's chips in your armor and next thing you know you're settled down, married with ten kids, bored out of your mind. No, not exactly what I want out of life.

*She lets out a long and slightly miserable sigh*

Speaking of what I want...I need to talk to Falcun. I know him throwing that knife into my hand was an accident. I'm not mad about that. Hell, that was pretty much my own fault anyway for getting in the middle of it all...but...he left me.

He left me...to die. I lost so much blood before Hadox could find a doctor to fix me up. I could have had a seizure and Hadox damned sure wouldn't have known how to handle that. Falcun just left me alone...and took my meds with him.

I don't see this relationship lasting much longer. I'm pretty surprised it's lasted as long as it has.

*She gets silent for a moment and then you hear her tapping something hard, lightly on the edge of the table*

So the doc fixed my hand and stuck it in a splint. Gave me some pills too. I should be ok soon. Maybe I'll lock myself up in my house until I can figure out what the hell is going on with me.

*There's a few minutes of quiet stillness. Just before she turns off the recorder, you hear a soft whisper.*

I hate being weak...

[recording off]

Entry 37

((Another entry by Hadox Reclair, legendary pilot!))

[Recording on]
*Hadox reclair seems to be speaking into it. the recorder*

Why is jesmy not getting better!?
And just where is zadane when you need him?!
I really don't think jesmy is getting any better.....

*hadox sighs and pauses for a moment*

I think jesmy is going to die....
I hope eulo does not blame me.

She after all did try to save me.
And it's all Falcun's fault!
I have to go.... i think gete just got home.

Hopefully Gete will come with me to the hospital to visit jesmy!

Oh before i go! I thought of a good nickname for jesmy... jesmo!

[recording off]

Entry 36

((This entry is by Hadox Reclair, legendary pilot))

[Recording on]
[Recording off]
[Recording on]
*You here what seems to be Hadox Reclair speaking.*

I can't belive that man tried to punch me! with spikes!! *sigh* and Falcun stabbed jesmy!
I don't even know why she hangs out with him!
And he totally ran off into the dessert without helping her! Some boyfriend he was...

[Recording off]
[Recording on]
how does this stupid thing work?!

*Hadox pauses for a brief moment*

My hand really hurts. And i hope jesmy gets better soon.
I also hope she does not get mad. I was listening to her recordings
I don't think she will find out.

Im going to go to the hospital to visit jesmy hopefully she'll wake up....
[Recording off]

Entry 35

[recording on]

*You hear slightly heavy breathing a yawn and then a long stretch followed by a deep sigh.*

Ahhh, that felt good. I bet my bed will feel better...soon.

I hired a bounty hunter to find my birth father. I'm not any good at finding people and that's what he does so I figured he'd have better luck than I would. Besides, I need to find him quick ... before my bank account runs dry.

*The woman gets quiet for several minutes but you hear her moving around the room, putting things away and mumbling lightly to herself.*

I've been spending too much time cooped up in my house. It's like I've become too dependent on Falcun and don't want to be outside when he's not around. I had seizures before I met him and I'll have them long after he's gone. So what the hell am I so nervous about?

*She stops moving around and sits back down in front of the recorder.*

I wonder how Sky is? I sure do miss having him around.

[recording off]

Entry 34

[recording on]

*When she speaks, her voice is soft and tired but with a definite happy lilt to it.*

I've been too busy lately. I don't know where to begin.

Let's see, Falcun and I have made our relationship 'official'. I'm no longer just his boss. Frankly, I really enjoy having him around. He keeps me sane. Strangely, I also have no desire to chase men any more.

He said he loved me the other day. My heart stopped. I mean, I'm glad he did. It doesn't scare me or anything but..I mean I care about him deeply, I just don't know if I can say those words to him. Not yet anyway.

This is all so new to be. I'm still trying to make sure I don't get tired of him sexually. I mean, what if I get bored with him and start looking at other men again?

I wonder if normal people have these same worries...

*She sighs and takes a drink of something.*

I met his brother. I'm not a fan. It made my skin crawl, the way he kept going on badmouthing Falcun. If I was a violent person I would have thrown something at him.

Then I had to go and have seizure. No big deal right? Except he demanded to take me to a doctor. You'd think I'd know my condition better than he did. He kept trying to insist...even threatened to kill himself, so I told him not to get blood on the buildings and walked away.

So he shot himself. How bright is that? Oh, I didn't by it at first. I nudged his leg then kicked him in his crotch to see if he moved....he didn't, so when I bent down to check and see if he was alive the bastard sits up and hit me! Knocked me out cold, drove me across the planet and dumped me in a hospital bed. I was furious when I woke up.

Then, of course, in his rush to get to me, Falcun had to crash land almost on top of me after I told him what happened. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe those brothers might be a few cards short of a full deck.

*She laughs lightly and you hear her open a pill bottle and take a pill.*

Dr. Ecan is fixing my dosage. Hopefully the next mixture will work... Oh, and I need to call Mr. Nu'ro and tell him he's hired for the party. I really enjoyed their audition.

Aside from that, I've been feeling really domestic lately....it's kinda scary.

[recording off]